Friday, December 07, 2007

The Passage of Time

For some reason, it has suddenly dawned on me just how fleeting motherhood is. I can't seem to stop thinking about it this week. I think it might have something to do with the fact that I have been realizing just how much time I don't spend with my children, because there always seems to be so many other things going on...dishes to wash, laundry to fold, bills to pay, etc. I mean, the three of us are together every day, but I've caught myself saying too many times lately, "Not right now, I'm busy", or some such phrase aimed at putting-off a rambunctious 4-year-old who wants me to "look" or "come see" all throughout the day. Striking a balance seems to be so challenging for me, and oh how I wish I could improve on that.

Today, after putting Griffin down for a nap, rather than tackling the mound of dishes on the sideboard, I opted instead to bake gingerbread cookies with Camden, and it was wonderful. It is so rare that he and I get to spend one-on-one time together, and tonight I sit here kicking myself, because in the past year we've had ample opportunity, but more often than not, I've "done chores" instead. I suppose I could call today a reality check, but in the spirit of being realistic, I know there will be plenty more days where I do laundry instead of play. What I need to remind myself of is that there will always be laundry, but these precious little boys will one day grow up and move away, and I will have wished I'd done things a little differently.
I find it easy to be hard on myself when it comes to critiquing my performance as a mother. Then again, I continue to learn as I go, and hope that I am providing my boys with what they need to be successful and happy in life. They are my proudest achievement in life, for sure.


Cheryl said...

Oh Heather, I've had the same thoughts as yours, many, many times! I imagine most moms have similar thoughts. You are making happy memories daily for the boys, Camden will certainly remember all the great costumes you two have created, the fun family trips and how cool it was to be able to play in a cardboard box filled with peanuts!

Lisa said...

I think that no matter what we do as moms there are ALWAYS things we'll wish we did differently. You're right, there does need to be a balance - but it's hard to find, isn't it? You're doing a GREAT job! Camden & Griffin are blessed to have you as their mom!

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