Early Morning Thoughts

Safety first!
The boys and I are in the midst of our first long-ish separation from Steve since he returned from deployment last September. In the grand scheme of things, he won't be away for that long, but still, it is a first for us since returning to normal. So far, the boys are doing just fine. They are missing Daddy a lot, but luckily springtime means lots of activities with school and sports, so we don't have a lot of down time on our hands.

I woke up at 4:30 this morning to the sound of Riley "tap dancing" in the laundry room. He usually saves this for 5:15 a.m., but I am guessing he drank some extra water before bedtime last night. Either way, once I am woken up, I'm up. I know I will be feeling this around 2:00 p.m. today, and I will really want a nap that I cannot take.

As I was laying in bed, waiting for Riley to let me know that he was ready to come back in, I was thinking about the little quirks I developed while Steve was deployed, and how quickly they come back when he is away from home. I don't get frightened at night per se - - I'm not afraid to be home alone and I don't really worry about things like that. However, I just don't feel right when he isn't here, and have a hard time winding down for the evening. When Steve is home, I am usually in bed by 9:00 and asleep soon after. I think when he was in Iraq, I avoided getting into bed at night because that is when I would lay in the dark and think about awful things, miss him terribly, and then proceed to have a not-so-restful night's sleep. So I unknowingly developed a night- time routine that involved staying up way too late, to the point where I was so tired that I would fall asleep the minute I got into the prone position, thus eliminating the 'laying in bed and thinking awful thoughts' portion of my evening. It worked for me, except for the part where I was always operating on not enough sleep.

Steve and I have been married for 10 1/2 years, and I've spent roughly 3 1/2 of those years by myself, 3/4 of that time, with children. One would think that it would get easier with time, but I find that separation gets more difficult. When I say this, I am not talking about handling things on my own, without a spouse. I can do that part just fine. I am talking about the mental aspect of it. Nobody can help out with that.

Sawdust and Nails

Steve and I are becoming a couple of Scouting nerds. Camden joined Cub Scouts last year and I volunteered to be a Den Mother, but unfortunately spent most of the year floundering because I had absolutely no clue what I was doing. Then, I kind of got shanghaied into doing it again this year, but the good news was that Steve had recently returned from Iraq. Even though Steve was a Cub Scout drop-out himself, it seems that in his middle age, he's become quite obsessed with the whole Scouting scene. He breathed a healthy dose of excitement and enthusiasm into the whole gig, and I have to say that now I am having all kinds of fun being a Den Mother. My little den of Bear Cubs are learning, thriving, and are well on their way to earning their Bear badge. Hooray!

Today, Steve took part of the afternoon off from work to be our special guest in instructing Achievement #20 - Sawdust and Nails. He planned to build toolboxes with the boys, and spend the last couple of days preparing the activity and pre-cutting a lot of the pieces so that we would be able to get them put together during our meeting time.

It was a huge success and I really think all of the boys were super-excited to have made their own tool box. I hope they will all have their tool boxes for years to come and will remember the fun we all had this afternoon.

Bronze Star Ceremony

A few days after Steve came home, he held a little ceremony for the boys, to award them for their bravery while he was deployed. He cooked this whole thing up on his own, making up the certificates, and ordering the certificate folders and bronze star pins while he was still in Iraq.



Anyone who knows Steve won't be surprised by any of this ~ he is completely and utterly dedicated to his role as father, and he doesn't take it lightly

He missed his boys so much while he was away, and didn't waste any time at all, jumping right back into family life. He's been taking Camden to school every morning, and picking him up in the afternoon. During the day, he pretty much does whatever Griffin wants, which of course, thrills Griffin to no end!

I love seeing my three boys together, and I'm so proud that I married a man who sets such a good example for our children.

At Last

Steve has been home for a little over a week now, and we are slowly settling back into a normal routine around here. The ten days or so before he arrived were a bit on the frantic side, and the time since then has been spent on lots of family togetherness and time away from the normal hustle and bustle of daily life. Now it is time to get back to our new "old" normal, as we are all craving some structure, so that is our goal for this week. As for my blog ~ it needs some work, and some catching up. So, I am hoping to have the opportunity to attack that this week. I fear my laptop is mired down with too many files, too many pictures, as well as feeling its age, so it hasn't been exactly cooperative lately. Hopefully it will allow me to eek out a few blog posts before it throws in the towel completely!

Done (okay, not really)

Back from Iraq ~ the first time ~ October, 2005

Oh my goodness...I am so done with this deployment. I just want Steve to be here NOW, so badly. You would think I could hold it together - - I mean, he's been gone for nearly a year, but this last little bit is just about doing me in. I am not a patient girl when it gets right down to the wire, and although it appears he will be coming home right around the time we've thought he'd be coming all along, all I can think about is, "why isn't he here now? why can't he come home earlier?" I seriously need to get a grip.

The boys (including Steve) and I have been through a lot this year. We were very lucky to have both my parents and my in-laws both come out for extended visits during that time. We've experienced kindness from the most unexpected places. The hardest parts of a deployment, though, are the parts that nobody else can help you with. Camden and Griffin have both struggled emotionally, in different ways. At times it has been so heartbreaking to watch, and really, there hasn't been a lot I could do other than listen. I really, truly was not prepared to deal with the effect that Steve's absence would have on the boys.

Long separation is rough on a marriage. Even a really good marriage. It is difficult to parent children from opposite sides of the globe, and to make decisions regarding your children. Stress certainly plays a major factor in making it more difficult, and I know that Steve and I both went through a period for a few months where our stress levels were so high that it was difficult to accomplish much at all. I think the worst time for me was after Steve had been home on leave, and it kind of carried on through the end of the school year. Never have I ever been happier for summer vacation and being able to have lots of fun with the boys ~ what a great distraction!

In the end, I'm proud of how we pulled through. Over the years, Steve has been gone a lot, so I knew before he left this time that I was completely capable of caring for the boys on my own. That being said, life is just a whole lot nicer with Steve around. Can't wait to have him back.

Daddy Jars

It has been tough-going in these parts lately ~ especially for an 8-year-old that I know. He struggles so with his Dad not being here. Camden is a sensitive little guy, and the older he gets, he tries to hold it in, which never seems to work out for him.

Going through a deployment with children who are old enough to understand that Daddy is gone for a long period of time can be so heartbreaking at times, but I know it is nothing compared to what the boys feel on the inside.

For whatever reason, we've just come out of a particularly rough patch, where not only was Camden not wanting to talk to Steve, he wasn't wanting Steve's name mentioned. He said it made him too sad, so he was just going to try not to think about it. He worked it out in his own way though, and seems to be feeling a lot better lately.

I was trying to come up with something that would help the boys see that we were on the downswing of this deployment, and that Steve would be coming home soon. So I got some pint-sized canning jars and a big bag of M&M's. I have a general idea of when Steve will be back, so we counted out those days in M&M's. The added bonus was that we soon saw that the pint-sized jars were way too big, so we grabbed some 8-ounce jelly jars instead. I made some little labels for the jars, and now, each day, the boys take their jars off the shelf in the living room and take out an M&M, one day closer to Daddy being home again. I think the visual of it has helped them to understand that, slowly but surely, we are getting there.

My New Toy

Steve really surprised me this year on my birthday when he gave me this beautiful Sony a290 digital camera. I have wanted a camera like this for a long time now, but I didn't really ever think that I would own one. By the time my birthday rolled around, I was feeling extra proud of myself, because I received the package in the mail about two weeks prior to my birthday, but I quickly put it in my closet and didn't peek once. I think I am still slightly overwhelmed by this camera and all of its settings, but in the past week or so, I've really been taking a lot of pictures and getting myself familiar with how it works. I love the photo quality and just can't get over what wonderful pictures it takes. Can't wait to figure out all of the wonderful things I will be able to do with it!

My Steve

Steve left this morning.

Sitting here tonight, I can't believe the past two weeks came and went so quickly. The boys and I had the most wonderful time with him! We packed a lot of fun into 15 days, that is for sure.

R & R is a strange thing. It is something all four of us were waiting and waiting for, but once it arrives, there is a sense of dread that it is going to pass too quickly. I'm happy to say that both Steve and I felt like the pace was relaxed, and we spent our time wisely.

Steve put Camden and Griffin's needs above all else, which is what he does in every-day life anyway. He is such a devoted, involved, and loving father, and he amazes me. I am so proud of him.

One invaluable thing that comes from a deployment is the gift of perspective. I think all marriages could use some from time to time. Being apart really gives one pause to reflect upon what is really, really important in life. Friendship. Respect. Comfort. Understanding. Unconditional love. I'm happy to know that I have these things with my husband. I love him more than anything in the world.

When Steve left this morning, he left love notes for each of the boys, so they would find them when they woke up. This afternoon, when Griffin and I were out playing in the yard, I found this written on our walkway:

Seeing it totally made my day today. I love you, Steve. We miss you so much already.

Dinner In

I was really hoping that Steve and I could have gotten away for dinner while he was home, but it didn't work out, so instead we opted to send the boys next door to Gramma and Grampa for a couple of hours so that we could cook dinner together. We ended up having a great time, and I'm so glad we did it!

We started out with a variety of cheeses, some candied walnuts, grapes, and baguette, along with some gin martinis. Yum.

I still have some work to do in perfecting my gin martini-making abilities, but these turned out pretty well...

We decided on a recipe that Steve had prepared for me before...Pan roasted chicken with lemon, olives, and rosemary, from one of our favorite cookbooks, At Blanchard's Table.

(I'm really noticing the difference in food photos with my new camera!)

By the time dinner was over, we'd eating a lot of great food, drank one-too-many martinis, and had a lot of laughs. A wonderful evening!

Nine

I set out on a narrow way, many years ago,

hoping I would find true love along the broken road

But I got lost a time or two,

wiped my brow and kept pushing through

I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you.

Every long lost dream led me to where you are

Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars

Pointing me on my way into your loving arms

This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road

That led me straight to you

A Wonderful Evening

Our 9th wedding anniversary is coming right up, and we won't be together for our 10th, so this year we decided to do something really special to celebrate, and it was wonderful! We hired a personal chef to come to our home and cook a romantic dinner for us...I can't even begin to explain how much we enjoyed it!

I had a lot of fun, setting the table for dinner. I have this great neighbor named Roberta who spent the entire day, helping me deep-clean my house. Thanks, neighbor!

Appetizer: fresh artichokes marinated with a blend of herbs and served with an aioli. After I'd finished every last bit of my artichoke, I may or may not have dipped my finger into the remaining aioli, and licked it off. Classy, I know.

Salad: a wedge caesar. Those little pieces of bread were super thin and crunchy, and we crumbled them up over the salad. Delicious.

Main Course: Oh Lordy. Grilled Tuscany grass-fed organic rib eye, served with twice-baked potato, grilled polenta, and fresh grilled vegetables. The perfection of this plate of food is beyond description. The steak was covered with a wonderful sauce of mushrooms, cream, onions, and cherry tomatoes...divine. Kelli must have thought there was something wrong with me, with all the moaning I was doing while I ate. Also very classy!

Dessert: Peach and berry crisp with homemade vanilla ice cream. Absolutely delectable.

Chef Kelli Paddock (forgive me, Kelli, for posting a photo of you with your eyes closed...it was the only one I managed to get of you!). Kelli's step father is being deployed with Steve, so we all had a bit to talk about. I found Kelli, owner of Prepared Catering, through Koenig Distillery and Winery in Caldwell. She was such a pleasure to work with, and all we had to do is sit back and be served. If you happen to live locally, I cannot recommend her services enough.

Kelli was super-efficient, nice as can be, and as you can see, an amazing chef. She left my kitchen spotless, packed up her equipment, and headed off, leaving behind a bottle of champagne and a box full of chocolate covered strawberries for us.

Hopefully Steve won't mind me adding this: Steve's a pretty reserved guy, not big on the romance or things like that, but every now and then he surprises me. While we were sipping champagne and waiting for dinner to start, he appeared with a fistful of letters that I'd written to him, that he'd saved from years ago, before we were married. It was fun reading through them and seeing how far the two of us have come over the years. Can't imagine spending my life with anyone else.

Weekend Projects

What a lovely weekend we had!

It snowed on Saturday, enough to cover the ground - - and it is still out there, as I type. I don't think it will be around for long though, as there is rain in the forecast this week.

On Saturday, we all found ourselves working on projects. Steve's project came in the form of trying to repair a 55-year old pocket door. While pocket doors are really nifty (we have one as a closet door in the living room, and one that separates the kitchen and dining room), they are not easy to repair, as it turns out.

Can't you see how absolutely thrilled Steve was, to be spending his day, wrestling with that thing? The good news is, the door is back on its track. The bad news is, it is very difficult to open or close now. Guess that's another project for another weekend.

Most of Camden's and Griffin's weekend projects involved snow. They must have gone in and out approximately four times on Saturday afternoon. You can see here that they are hard at work on their snow angels.

Camden also spent quite a bit of time working on a new Lego masterpiece (a ship, of course). If you look closely, you can see that Griffin spent quite a bit of time working on annoying his older brother. He's a rascal, that Griffin.

As for me, I worked on some craft projects. I love the idea of being crafty, but as is the case with cooking, I have a hard time doing something that doesn't come with specific instructions. Somehow, I have managed to break out of my cooking rut, and am finding that I can, in fact, create a lovely meal without always following a recipe. It is very liberating, I tell you! Now, I am also learning that I can find all kinds of neat ideas in books, magazines, and on the Internet, and then come up with my own versions of what I've seen.

For quite a while now, I've been infatuated with fabric brooches. I've seen them all over the Internet, on blogs and on Etsy. So the other day, I got some scraps together, and just wanted to see what I could come up with. It was so much fun! In the end, I took a fleece hat that I bought at the Dollar Tree, and then made a flower out of red fleece that I had on hand, finished it off with a polka-dot button, and sewed it to the hat. After that, I took some more of the fleece and tried my hand at making some fingerless gloves for myself. I'd bought a pattern to do this last year, but alas, the pattern was too complicated! Instead, I traced my hand and made my own pattern. They came out exactly how I wanted them to. Let me tell you, if you are a novice seamstress such as myself, polar fleece is extremely forgiving. I have a feeling that I may have to make everything from here on out, from polar fleece.

I Love Double-Sided Tape

Steve and I celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary earlier this week, and although we decided to save the actual celebrating for the weekend (when Steve doesn't have to be up at 4:00 the next morning, and we don't have a little one going to school), I decided to whip up a little romantic dinner for two. I didn't have a lot of time to accomplish the task, and, as usual I was busy entertaining children/breaking up bickering matches, so I had to take some shortcuts here and there.

Of course I wanted to have a yummy dessert, but I definitely didn't have time to make anything, so a quick visit to the local grocery store and I was the happy owner of a tiny chocolate cake. Next, I needed to have something to serve it on, but my cake platter was way too big. Here's where the double-sided tape comes in:

One cute little salad plate affixed to an overturned margarita glass, and, voila!

...an anniversary-worthy dessert.

We had a very nice dinner, even if the Blue Power Ranger (otherwise known as Griffin) decided he missed his Mummy, and showed up on our doorstep while we were eating.

Looking forward to the weekend and going out on the town with my honey.

Change of Command

Steve reached a big milestone this past Saturday, when he rotated out of company command. He's been a commander for the past three years, and, in addition to his full-time job, it has been a huge time commitment for him, as well as a ton of responsibility, so we are both glad it is over with. Steve is away at annual training right now, so the boys and I loaded into the car and met him in Mountain Home for the ceremony. I enjoy seeing Steve "in action"in his Army role, because it isn't something I get to see too much of. If you know Steve at all, you know that he is the perfect type of person to be in the military. He makes me very proud, and I'm thankful for all that he does, so that I can stay home with the boys.

A Little Birthday Celebration

Yesterday was Steve's 41st birthday, so the little guys and I spent the day planning a little party for him. Camden told me that he was certain that Daddy would want a cake that looked like a volcano (because Camden is in love with volcanoes this week). Here is what I came up with:

A little simplistic, but Camden was thrilled with it, which was what I was shooting for. Once the cake was done, the boys and I hot-footed it to Eagle, where we picked up a platter-full of sushi at Mai Thai. Steve and I love sushi, but usually only get out about once per year for it (sad, I know).

Rex, Kasey, and Banzer came down to join in the festivities, and we had a great time. I'm glad I remembered to get some sake yesterday, because sushi just isn't sushi, unless you have some sake to go with it.

The sushi platter, after Steve and I ransacked it. I was madly in love with the tempura roll. Yum!

After the partying wound down for the evening, we filled the tub with little boys, and called it a night.

A Little Romance

Steve was out of town on Valentine's Day (more on that, later) so I decided to banish the children to the family room this evening, and fix my sweetheart a fancy dinner. Needless to say, the boys were super excited to have their dinner on t.v. trays, while watching "Go Diego, Go!". I cannot begin to tell you how fabulous it was to sit and enjoy a nice meal, without having to stop once to say, "Mind your manners!" or "Eat your dinner!" After a few minutes of this pure bliss, Steve and I wondered aloud, why we haven't been doing this more often. I do believe we have had dinner like this once before, and enjoyed it just as much. So, our goal now is to have an "adults only" dinner once per week. Gives us some quality time together since we rarely (if ever) get out, we're not spending money going out to eat, and it gives me an excuse to try new recipes.

Tonight, I made a simple salad of organic greens, dried cranberries, toasted pecans, and crispy-warm goat cheese rounds...delish.

For the main course, I made a Caprese Flat Pie, compliments of Katie Lee Joel. The recipe can be found here, as well as a great little video of how it is made. Katie is the wife of Billy Joel, and you may have heard of her cookbook, called The Comfort Table. I can't wait to add her book to my collection - - I think she is just wonderful. The Caprese Flat Pie looks pretty fancy, but it couldn't be any more simple. The ingredients: puff pastry, pesto, fresh mozzarella, Roma tomatoes, and some egg wash. I'm embarrassed to admit that I had never cooked with puff pastry before, but now that I have, I can't wait to use it again. Here's the finished product:

It was really tasty, and I'm already imagining a bunch of other combinations. For dessert - - some pink champagne, and a couple of squares of Lindt (hi Kirsten!) chocolate. Perfect.

After we put the boys to bed, we were discussing dinner and how much we enjoyed it, at which point Steve remarked, "It was kind of surreal!" That tells you a little bit about how often we get out (ahem...never), which is kind of sad, really. We don't have many child care options, and I don't know about you, but we aren't too crazy about spending money frivolously these days. The truth is, this is just another one of those choices we can make for ourselves...we don't need to hire a babysitter and blow a bunch of money out on the town...we can easily have a lovely evening together in the comfort of our own home and not spend a dime. I already can't wait to do this again next week!